Life

As usual, I can't stop thinking and being paranoid on my way home.
What I can say is one may approach one thing this way, another thing that way, and all will end up on the same route, only to realise different results.
You may have done a lot, but reality is that way, input does not necessarily equates to output.
You may not have done as much, but once again reality is that way, input does not necessarily equates to output.
This is reality, you just have to face it because frankly speaking, you don't have a choice - maybe you do - the choice of being happy and moving on because this is life / getting jealous, irritated, bu gan xin and stuck there.

I can't deny I always fall into the second range, but that's how I'm, remember inherent? At least I know I'm in that range, and no matter how persistent I can get, I still have to move on one day.

Hello,
I may not have given you the chance to explain, but please note that you didn't even bother to give me the chance either. Do I deserve this? I know it is wrong of me to be jealous over stupid small things, it is wrong of me to be paranoid over things that might not even be that way. But do you remember this was the CY you used to know? The every small thing will also tell you how jealous or sad she is. Is a bit unreasonable I know, but that is the weakest flaw of CY that you all along know about. CY is this kind of girl, showing her displeasure this way. Being jealous means I care, I care a lot, a big deal, for no reason a super duper lot. It is a very irritating way of me to care this way, but this is how I am!

I spoke quite a bit that night, remember? So after that night, I reverted to my old self, that is if you remember, the old me ranting over the slightest thing. The me that can keep talking on and on and complaining. And yet we were still okay because I assume you know that's my pattern, cannot stop repeating one small same thing to you. Making you run out of things to say, most probably irritated because I keep repeat the same thing until make you don't know what to do. I guess it already has irritated you, but that was the old me.. I did the same yesterday, so directly =( =( =( but from what I feel, I'm paranoid that you're paranoid over it.

Why? What wrong have I done again? You hope I'd be honest... I agree I should.. and I did it... I reverted to my old pattern and repeated and hinted my jealousy over the slightest thing... sometimes I get scared and wonder if by being honest and showing you my jealously is wrong... but like I said, I agree that I'd be honest and so I just bluntly hinted out the =( =( =( that you're somewhere anywhere everywhere except with me. Do you remember the last time we met? When? Sometimes I also can't believe why I want to spend so much time with you altho I know sometimes I just want to meet for no reason, and you're sure gonna laugh at this... even if I take one glance per day I'd be happy. I read wt I just typed and looks like I'm totally obsessed. That is me...the very stupid me. I've tried and I honestly hinted the jealously.. and all I got is you made me feel like you're so irritated and -_- that I'm jealous over it. Tbh I really really wanna know if my warmness and obsession is too overwhelming that I'm scaring you away.

So is it now wrong for me to be honest this way?

I explained and your non-response makes me take a step back and don't dare to ask you any further, I can only pray you're reading this. I know I'm horrible at expressing myself in words, and I always read for the IDK how many times over my paragraphs before posting to ensure this is the best way I can make my words clear. And any human being can interpret the way I intend it to be.

And I also want you to be honest what you're angry or irritated with me. I've told you the problem - I'm obsessed, I want time with you, I am unreasonable, I like to idealize and hope things go my way. All these must be my flaws that are making your blood boiling and exploding. Please, tell me what you're really unhappy with me about, we have to communicate everything properly, know our stand, so we'd be so happy and chirpy again!!