The Heart

I once, or maybe twice, or maybe more, said I won't be the first to ask anymore.
Yet somehow something's just so wrong with me and I asked.
Now I want to say again, I won't ask anymore again. Will I? I don't know.
Maybe when I'm too bored and in need of entertainment, I become some other person and do what I do subconsciously.
Whenever I'm sane, I'm nothing but alone.
So is it a good or bad thing to be sane / continue to be that some other person whom I don't even know?

I gave mine to you, somehow I did my best I thought.
I wish I have the courage to take ALL back, pray that there's some device in the world that can make it come alive with FEELINGS once again.
I wish I could ask you have I once made you feel like you're one of the happiest human being alive?
I always leave myself guessing and guessing and more guessing because you never said or showed anything.

Someone once told me it's the character that makes the difference.
It makes sense to me now, like totally, completely, accurately.
I have plenty of choices, but I chose to ignore and held on to the one I shouldn't even be holding on to.
Maybe one day I'll regret my plain silliness for letting go of what's there for me and holding on to the I-don't-know-right-or-wrong one.

Afterall, making myself suffer is a pleasure.
Everything today will become memories of tomorrow, so don't read too deep into my entry, it's nothing but crap. >=)