I don't have a heart

I cried in my sleep
And am still crying
Over myself

CY, grow up
I hope you've learnt something
To be clear on your stand to humans
To be clear on yourself

Just stop crying when you're not being believed
Don't forget you yourself is at fault for having limited common sense
Don't forget everyone is human
You have to calm down stand on their side and think if you were them what would you believe in
You are in no position to cry or do any more silly stuff just cause you're not believed
After thinking so much you yourself know you might just be even more agigated and believe what you hear from outside

I so want to repeat all over again and show out all the evidence like I said I'll dig yesterday
I keep holding on to the hope they will help to clear things up
Tho I'm always shaking from fear it'd make you doubt
After all you've heard and believed the story on your side
I've told you mine but no matter how much I repeat I know you might still believe the one on your side
I don't deny my heart breaks and breaks and breaks each time you don't believe me
I cry and tell myself what can I do to gain your trust
Of all the many helplessness times
This must be the biggest storm
Never felt as helpless and hopeless as this one
And when I calmed down
I tell myself I must be sensitive enough to know on your side you must be equally or even more sad of what you have heard
And like I said everyone is human
If I were you I might just also believe what I hear

Then when he finally came online telling me his side
And then I control the urge to shout out to you the story on his side
He might just be lying to me on my side, a total opposite from what you told me
And then lied somemore to his friends what you hear about
I blanked out after hearing his side
It gives me a total lost
It makes me even more helpless, me asking myself why is this misunderstanding so hard to clear
I wish I were as clear cut and good in the way I phrase my sentences
I wish I were as firm in the way I present myself
My strength is also my weakness
I can't communicate properly and not everyone can catch my ball

I cried somemore and don't know what I can do
I went to sleep, cry again and again and again
Yes wo hao bu gan xin
Bu gan xin that I don't know what I can do to make you believe me
Then I mocked at myself
For having been 19 years old and still can't communicate clearly and properly

I wish one day a miracle comes and you tell me in my face you believe me
I will go all out to make this one day come true
After all I can't stop repeating again and again and create more doubts when we are in the process of healing
I must look on the bright side and tell myself
Time will give me justice and we'll be stronger than before

For now, all I can tell myself is to do my anything and everything
To prove this is the one friendship I'll cherish most for as long as I'm alive
I console myself and say friendship lasts - forever and for always

I can't stop repeating and I know I must be the most naggy blogger alive